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Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in
hardtobreathe's InsaneJournal:
| Sunday, November 6th, 2011 | |
| 9:43 pm | Private to Sarah Jane Happy Birthday SJ. I don't want to make a big deal of it because I know that you don't really want it to be a thing at all. But when you're feeling a bit more able to I'll help you celebrate. |
| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011 | |
| 3:04 pm | I signed up for the mentoring program today. I know it's surprising to a lot of people but I can really understand what the transition feels like. Not many people know this (actually I think only Seamus, Sarah Jane and Lucy do) but I grew up in the Muggle world. I lived with very little magic in my life until I was eight and my parents were killed in an auto crash (automobiles still scare me). When I went to live with my aunts it was a huge culture shock to see people using magic openly. I was scared of the house elf for months. Professor Sprout has already Owled me back and agreed to write a letter of recommendation for me. |
| Monday, August 1st, 2011 | |
| 12:48 pm | I'm scared. I know I deserve whatever punishment they give me but I'm so scared. |
| Saturday, July 9th, 2011 | |
| 9:24 pm | |
| Sunday, July 3rd, 2011 | |
| 9:06 pm | Private to Parvati I know you don't know me and that you probably hate me. But Cal was my only real friend. I know that the pain that I'm feeling right is nothing compared to what you feel. But I wanted to tell you that I was sorry. For your loss. For not standing up when I knew that what they were doing was wrong. For being weak. For everything. But mostly for Cal. He loved you so, so much. /Private Open letter to all non-IS students: I know that most of you won't believe me and it's okay, I don't know that I would believe myself in similar circumstances. But here it is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was weak enough to bow to family demands to join the IS when their beliefs were mostly the opposite of mine. I'm sorry that, once there I didn't stand up when I started to see the first signs of what it was to become as the year went on. I'm sorry that I didn't do more than make sure that decent food got to the trouble table. I'm sorry that I listened to Seamus and didn't come back to fight. And I'm sorry for everyone who lost people they cared about in the battle. I lost people too. Ernie taught me how to be a good prefect even if I forgot why it was I was enforcing the rules. Cal was the person who knew me best. And my boyfriend, Seamus was seriously hurt. I know that apologies mean next to nothing but I felt like they needed to be said. |
| Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011 | |
| 12:20 am | Private to Cal Ask Parvati where Seamus is. Please. You can tell her that we're dating I don't care I just need to know that he's safe and that the Carrows didn't kill him. Please, Cal find out for me. I can't ask anyone else. The only other person who knows is Neville and he's gone too. /End Private Private to Lucy and Gail I want to go home. /End Private |
| Friday, June 10th, 2011 | |
| 1:08 am | I believe that this year Herbology has become my favorite subject. Professor Sprout is really amazing. |
| Tuesday, May 31st, 2011 | |
| 12:26 am | Private to Neville Is Seamus okay? I heard that it was really bad and I hate that I can't go to him. Tell him that I asked after him, okay? /Private |
| Wednesday, May 11th, 2011 | |
| 5:02 pm | Private I knew going in that the IS was going to be a difficult place for me to be. I knew going in that they believed in things that I simply didn't. I don't know why I never realised what an exercise in futility it would be to try to get them to see reason. It's not like I'm asking them to join Potter wherever he is, I just want them to see that hurting people is a bad idea. Why can't they see that they're making all these things happen with their "punishments"? I can't be the only person who looks at all this and sees what's going on. I can't. But it's not like you can ask people within the IS what they think of the new rules. /Private Private to Seamus I make myself sick sometimes. /Private Private to Cal Tell Parvati to be extra careful, okay? /Private |
| Saturday, April 30th, 2011 | |
| 12:52 pm | Private I kissed Seamus. If my family found out they would probably disown me since his dad is a Muggle. But I like him and I like me when I'm around him. It had been a long time since I'd really let myself think about how I was before Mum and Dad died. But being around him makes me think about how much I liked myself back then and I haven't liked myself very much this year. I don't agree with what's happening and I haven't done anything to stop it. And I don't know what the line is where everyone is going to know just how little I care for what's happening. I could never hex someone like they did to Anthony Goldstein last week. It's just wrong. I really would like to talk to someone about everything with Seamus but I can't talk to my friends. They would think I've lost my mind. I haven't. I think I might have found it but I really want to talk about it. Was it normal? Should I have done something different? And it really kind of bothers me that I can't even look at him without people being suspicious and people getting suspicious of Seamus is a really bad idea because, let's be honest, he can get into enough trouble on his own. I'm jealous of the girls who can openly like the boys they like. /Private Private to Seamus I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. /Private |
| Tuesday, April 26th, 2011 | |
| 8:17 pm | Private to Seamus Did you like your dinner tonight? I thought that roast and mash would be nice since you haven't been getting very good food. I'm going to skip tomorrow though so they don't get suspicious of me. Do you have any requests for the night after? /Private I don't know, some people have expressed concerns about the recent discussions about relationships but I think that it can be a good thing. It's normal. And normal is important right now. |
| Saturday, April 9th, 2011 | |
| 10:18 am | The shoes... Oh I'm in SO much trouble. |
| Wednesday, April 6th, 2011 | |
| 7:35 pm | Private I can't understand what the Ministry was thinking with their decision to execute Kenneth Towler immediately following his trial. Even the worst criminals were previously given time for appeals and things. They're just going to create more tension by doing this. I know here in school that there are many who feel that Kenneth didn't kill the Sungs or that MacDouglas and we're just a small portion of the Wizarding population so you know that many in the public must feel the same way. By carrying out the sentence immediately they're just asking to make things worse. Do they want the violence to escalate? They are teaching Unforgivables here, which is madness. I just don't understand it. Right or wrong we should support the government and follow the rules. I know this deep down but I don't like where the rules are taking me. I don't want to hex classmates and I don't want to hurt people and I don't like that they're not giving people a chance to prove they're innocent. Yes, Muggles can be dangerous because we don't entirely understand them and we can get hurt in their world but they're not evil and they're not less than we are. That kind of thinking can be dangerous. It's already proving so here. /Private Shoes are not very entertaining. |
| Saturday, March 26th, 2011 | |
| 8:08 pm | |